“Enough is enough.” So wrote Ann Coulter in her column on Wednesday. The professional political troll would no longer remain silent on the issue of our growing interest in soccer, which “can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay.” Oh no! What does that mean for Baltimore?! The World Cup has been so popular here!
Okay, so this is some low-hanging fruit, for sure. But every now and again one of these vacuous blowhards stumbles into self-parody, and it’s only right that we should enjoy it.
Coulter’s reasons for hating soccer? “Individual achievement is not a big factor,” for one. A point, which she tries to tie into the fact that “perpetually alarmed women are called ‘soccer moms,’ not ‘football moms.'” Wait, we’re supposed to be using that term for a woman who is perpetually alarmed?
Also, it’s co-ed. Or so she seems to think.
And you know what else? There’s no risk of injury.
And then, mystifyingly, Coulter’s final point is that soccer is in fact not catching on. She promises us: “No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.” If that were true could the numbers even add up?
This is my favorite kind of Ann Coulter article. It’s the kind that gives me a glimpse into her future as a vile but hopefully harmless old coot.
That is all. Carry on, soccer-loving Baltimore! Moral decay be damned!
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