Ben Carson Was on Fire Last Night

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Polling at a distant fifth in the Republican presidential primary race, Ben Carson only managed about 10 minutes of speaking time at Thursday night’s debate. But boy did he make it count!

He opened full-on apocalyptic with a dire warning about America “heading off the abyss of destruction” (not “heading off” as in “stopping,” by the way), and in so doing, no doubt spawned about 100 new metal bands.

He coined the figure of speech, “the fruit salad of their life.” (WARNING: Watching the video does not make the metaphor make any more sense.)

Carson elicited uproarious laughter and cheers with his request that “somebody attack [him] please” so that he could earn a little extra speaking time.

His closing was as absurdly hopeful as his opening was pessimistic. “Several years ago, a movie was made about these hands. These hands, by the grace of God, have saved many lives and healed many families. Now I’m asking you tonight, America, to join hands with me to heal, inspire, and revive America.”

Here are all but one of those moments rolled into a nice, tidy tweet:

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  1. BEN CARSON, in my opinion is a First Class INDIVIDUAL, no question about it. He is really really smart, and has a lot of good ideas.I hope he stays in until the very end. My two choices about 10 months ago, were Donald Trump and BEN CARSON. GO BEN, GO DONALD.

  2. Just so bored of the relentless and now predictably mean-spirited criticism of Ben Carson. Why not at least mix it up with jibes against Cruz or Trump or Bernie or even Hillary every now and again?

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