Michael Phelps Pretends to Retire Again

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Phelps' s first post-retirement instagram pic. (You'll notice he can't seem to leave the pool.)
Phelps’ s first post-“retirement” Instagram pic. (You’ll notice he can’t seem to leave the pool.)

Baltimore native and world-class swimmer Michael Phelps, after an Olympic performance which earned him six more medals, began his “retirement” yesterday. Yeah right.

Sure, maybe he has really retired. He’s got more medals than anyone ever. He’s got a baby to rear. If I were him, I’d retire. But I’m not him. I think he’ll be back. Here’s why:

(1) He’s already done it once. His last retirement didn’t last two years. And that was after he already had an absurdly large haul of gold medals.

(2) Fellow swimmer Ryan Lochte says Phelps will be back in 2020. (I know Lochte’s credibility is in question after that whole strange thing about the alleged mugging.)

(3) Phelps’s first Instagram post after retiring is a picture of him in a pool.

And, listen, if it turns out I’m wrong, you’ll know the system is rigged.


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