BREAKING: Baltimore’s New Slogan Not Actually “Unmockable”

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Baltimore's new slogan
Francis Scott Key felt it was his personal duty to protect the United States from “the abolitionist, according to whose taste it is to associate and amalgamate with the negro.”

You heard it here first. Contrary to the popular assertion (one shared by John Waters!), Baltimore’s new slogan is not — I repeat NOT — “unmockable.”

“Baltimore: Birthplace of The Star-Spangled Banner” is way less insane than “Greatest City in America” or “The City That Reads.” But that’s setting the bar pretty low. Come on, the new slogan is basically “Baltimore: What Have We Done for You Lately?” or “Baltimore: So…Ever Wonder About the History of the Baseball Song?”

I heard that an alternate version — “Baltimore: Birthplace of The Star-Spangled Banner, Final Resting Place of John Wilkes Booth” — was rejected for being too long. The same concerns nixed “Baltimore: Birthplace of The Star-Spangled Banner, by Francis Scott Key, Renowned Anti-Abolitionist.” I understand that “Baltimore: Where a Racist Once Wrote a Poem” was briefly considered, but some felt it wasn’t specific enough.

So, anyway, there you have it.

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