After Mariya Strauss asked Baltimoreans on Twitter “What is the most Baltimore thing that’s ever happened to you?” the stories poured in.
Responses ranged from accounts of neighbors helping each other out in a bind, to tales that embody Baltimore in all of its wonderful oddness.
Here’s a selection of some of those responses from Baltimore Twitter:
A bag of bloody meat – and an unexpected encore:
My brother is like “Ew, no.” and the guy starts screaming at him. So my brother takes off … and realizes that the guy hopped back on his bike and his furiously chasing him down Washington Blvd, still gripping his bag of bloody meat.
— The Lamityville Horror: Awake at 5AM!! (@AnxiousPenman) February 7, 2022
About a month later, brother and I are at the gas station. He goes inside. The driver side door opens, a dude gets in. I’m like “Uh, hey man …” and he goes “Oh, sorry.” and gets out. 5 seconds later my brother is like “Holy fuck it’s the bloody meat guy!!”
— The Lamityville Horror: Awake at 5AM!! (@AnxiousPenman) February 7, 2022
Body in the back:
Didn’t realize my trunk was opening while driving and the dude behind me pulls up to tell me, “Hey man, that body you got back there looks like it’s gonna fall out.”
Still not sure if he knew it was a horror movie prop. https://t.co/DbvQMoBh8Y
— Chris LaMartina (@ChrisLaMartina) February 7, 2022
A Berger cookie emergency:
Having to take my dog to the vet because she ate half a cookie jar full of Berger Cookies but I needed my friend to drive me because I was drunk on Boh from watching the Orioles. https://t.co/5BWA1YdUNu
— Eldritch Millennial (@BmoreBaker42) February 8, 2022
Standing al-O-ne:
I ran the 1/2 marathon in Baltimore one year and then-Mayor O’Malley sang the National Anthem and I screamed “O!” where you are supposed to and no one else hardly did. BUT I AM NOT ASHAMED.
— Lynne Childress (@LynneChildress1) February 7, 2022
Squeegee workers
Coming off 83, squeegee kid washing windows. I only had a $5 so I just gave it to him. He did all the windows and the rear windshield. Light changed, guy behind me honked. Kid yelled to the guy, “She paid for it. You waitin.”
— Melissa (@melissa_schober) February 7, 2022
Back when Red Emma’s was at Maryland & North, traffic light went out in a downpour and a squeegee guy was directing traffic. 10 mins later I was in the RE’s bathroom and that very dude came in like, “Damn cops RAN me off the intersection.” https://t.co/btzO0DoK2k
— Just say the fucking word “abortion” it won’t bite (@rahulastrohl) February 7, 2022
An homage to the late rapper Lor Scoota’s “Bird Flu” – and other performances:
Seen someone hit the bird flu in the middle of the street near Lexington Market
— Big Pyroh (@bigpyroh) February 7, 2022
Poplocking in Lexington Market on a Friday, seeing the Eutaw street Jesus, AND the Michael Jackson dude all in the same day ????????????????????????
— Ashley (Ash) Esposito ???? (@AshleyEsposito_) February 7, 2022
The Michael Jackson guy danced on a uhaul at the intersection of North Ave and Charles St while the traffic lights were out and dirt bikers rode up and down the block
— best dressed ex (@keseydandy) February 8, 2022
Forgetting something?:
My old landlord constructed our basement apartment in such a way that the water shut-off valve was located in a crawlspace bolted shut with plywood. We had a pipe burst, so I called the fire dept. they had to use their axe to break the wall, turned off the water then LEFT THE AXE https://t.co/TL1im4KCrQ
— phootball watching photojournalist (@phriendlyphotog) February 7, 2022
Neighbors helping neighbors:
Just moved to Baltimore, didn’t know anyone. One evening I got home really late. Woke up the next day to a block party. All cars moved except mine. A lady I’d never met before says: “John, they were going to tow your car but I told them you’re a student who works nights.”
— John Henderson (@Henderson__J) February 7, 2022
They didn’t close off all the streets for the marathon and a lot of cars were stuck on various streets. Cops just stood there; we had to back ourselves out on a way one and to get out. Lovely time. But folks were sweet and we all helped each other. https://t.co/EjXBNzYXL3
— ✊????LIV ???????? (@nevabeenyoNegro) February 8, 2022
First thing that comes to mind is the multiple times people have leapt from their cars to offer me an umbrella while I was walking in the rain. Crowd relay-yelling to stop a bus I was running after. Strangers stopping me to gently ask if I knew my stroller was empty https://t.co/rVV0EWQ7nX
— Ian Power ???? & #FreeKeithDavisJr (@ianpowerOMG) February 7, 2022
Riding my bike though Remington few years back, saw an older blind man who was Black pushing an older white guy in a wheel chair across the street. Both smiling and laughing the whole way.
— Ron Cassie (@ron_cassie) February 7, 2022
Residents also shared stories of stick-ups, break-ins, and more.
Mugged in station north and I told the dude with the gun I wanted my wallet back so I didn’t lose my ID and he gave it back with the ID and said “Happy Valentine’s Day” (it was indeed Valentine’s day). https://t.co/jl8VVp8oEp
— Jed Weeks (@jedweeks) February 8, 2022
A teacher friend was held up at gun point coming home from happy hour. Guy sees he only has $2 in his wallet, hands it back staying “yo you need it more than me”.
— Amanderants (@Amanderant) February 8, 2022
Got my car broken into and among items stolen was a power tool. 1 week later, a man tried to sell the same power tool back to me ????
— RC (@rcpapitweet) February 7, 2022
My 1st day of driver’s ed, driving, making the left in the double lanes from Taylor to Belair and I cut someone off. The driver reached out his window and slapped the instructor. So, then those two got in to a fist fight, out their windows, as I was driving up Belair Rd.
— Jane Sacco (@JaneSacco) February 7, 2022
Wait, it’s a tie between that and when someone found a headless skeleton wearing overalls in the sewer by my house, and the official cause of death was declared “natural causes”
— Dr. Lucianne Walkowicz (@RocketToLulu) February 8, 2022
Many residents recalled run-ins with Baltimore celebrities and other notable figures – big and small.
Strauss, who sparked the sharing of Baltimore stories, said she literally ran into John Waters at a grocery store. Others had similar Waters-related stories.
I ran into John Waters with my cart at the Whole Foods in Mt Washington, looked up at him, stammered “J-John Waters” and he smiled and tipped his cap and gently backed his cart away from mine
— Mariya Burn It With Pfizer✊????????Strauss (@mariyastrauss) February 7, 2022
Other sightings of celebrities and prominent individuals included:
Former Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco
Joe Flacco and his kids came into a barbershop I used to work at and I was casually striking conversation with him, asking what he does for a living (I’m not a football guy) and everyone looked at me like I had three heads
— Satan’s “Snafu” Mustard (@acidflashback_) February 8, 2022
Former Baltimore Ravens safety Ed Reed
In my 20s, I played in a pick up basketball game with friends. Guy guarding me was way way more athletic, so I pump-faked him one time and drove baseline and tried a reverse layup with my left hand. Guy guarding me swatted it into the stands. We both laughed.
It was Ed Reed. https://t.co/5PIepluG6r
— Kevin Van Valkenburg (@KVanValkenburg) February 8, 2022
Olympic swimmer and Baltimore native Michael Phelps
Was running so late to work after being stuck in traffic on 83 (accident by the Pepsi sign) that I was like “well, might as well stop at Starbucks” and Michael Phelps held the door for me.
— Gen (@gennyc) February 7, 2022
The Wire creator David Simon
After a race, we asked a man in Starbucks to take our picture. He had on a “The Wire” jacket, so my friend that does extra work, asked did he work on the show. He said yes, I’m David Simon @AoDespair
No, it wasn’t a selfie with him in it, just us.— WhitePaws RunMitts (@Runmitts) February 8, 2022
WBAL reporter Jayne Miller
Had great O’s seats right behind home plate. After a couple of beers, I was loudly wondering the name of a building beyond center. A familiar voice from behind told me. I turned around and it was @jemillerwbal. I said, “Ok, I believe you, Jayne Miller!” And she laughed, hard. ????
— Julie D. Saxenmeyer (@JulieSax) February 7, 2022
Baltimore attorney Barry Glazer
Poor Barry was pretty annoyed. And I was mildly freaking out that Barry freaking Glazer was sitting on my blanket.
— Juliet Ames (@thebrokenplate) February 7, 2022
Former Gov. Martin O’Malley
I was out with friends and my friend @WackyNeighbor was in the men’s room at J. Patrick’s at the same time as Martin O’Malley.
— Mary Carroll-Mason (she/her) (@MECM) February 7, 2022
Several people told their stories of being called for jury duty, including a birthday serenade, lucking out with a broken water pipe, and a post-jury duty adventure on the water:
I had jury duty on my birthday a few years ago. The woman calling juror numbers must’ve noticed. Over the PA system, she asked the whole jury pool to sing. “Haaaapy BIIIRTHday, dear Juror Number 1149, happy biiirthday to yoooou.” And they did.????????#Baltimore
— Patrick Smith (@SmittyAtHopkins) February 7, 2022
I got called for jury duty once in February,parked at Mercy hospital garage, walked to the courthouse, wandered inside where there was nobody at all
Except one security guard who just said, “Water pipe’s broken. Building’s closed.” Garage lady gave me free pass to exit.— Mariya Burn It With Pfizer✊????????Strauss (@mariyastrauss) February 7, 2022
Jury duty, last day: acquitted a 15 yr old girl facing murder for killing a drug dealer. He chased from school. She grabbed kitchen knife. Self-defense. Took water taxi after court. Fluke storm tipped boat: waves, wailing, prayers. Had beer in Fells Point.
— Scott Gilmore (@ScottaGilmore) February 8, 2022
Many respondents had met Baltimore natives in other states and countries, even some folks who went to the same high school as them. But none were quite as specifically “Smalltimore” as this:
Also, was on vacation in Denver and randomly ran into a bartender from The Crown who was on vacation as well. And my AirBnB host used to live on the same block as me in Mt. Vernon. Smaltimore has no borders.
— Satan’s “Snafu” Mustard (@acidflashback_) February 8, 2022
