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There are 5,723 registered hospitals in the United States, according to the American Hospital Association. Being better than 5,721 of them is pretty impressiveโ€“but for Johns Hopkins Hospital, which was ranked by U.S. News as the top hospital in the country for more than two decades, third place is basically synonymous with โ€œLOSER.โ€

โ€œLooking at this list of Honor Roll hospitals, to say we are in good company is an understatement,โ€ Dr. Paul B. Rothman, dean of the medical faculty and CEO of Johns Hopkins Medicine, said, according to the Hopkins Hub. โ€œAll of these are exemplary institutions, and we send our sincere congratulations to our colleagues at Mayo Clinic, which is ranked No. 1 in the national rankings this year.โ€ Canโ€™t you almost hear his teeth grating when he mentions the Mayo Clinic? In second place this year is Bostonโ€™s Massachusetts General Hospital. If either of those revered institutions finds itself plagued with a mysterious stink bug infestation, or suddenly starts getting lots of prank calls, my first suspect would be the JHH administration.

The Hopkins Hub website put a happy face on the situation, noting in its headline that the hospital was at least ranked as number one in Maryland, as well as being top-ranked in Baltimore for every specialty.