Okay, I’ve got this business model I’ve been working on. This is a sure thing, hear me out. I start an auto repair shop. You know how many cars get in accidents every day? Anyway, the point is, I get police officers who arrive at car accidents to refer the drivers to my shop exclusively. I’d pay the officers, say, $300 per referral.

But get this. Here’s how I maximize profits: when the cars come in, I damage them a little more — knock out the mirrors, beat in the doors, whatever. Then I put in a bigger claim on the insurance company (and get a little exercise in process). It’s not really the driver’s money, and it’s not like they’d notice anyway. It’s basically a victimless crime. Not even a crime, really — a business model. Anyway, I think I’ll only need maybe 50 or 60 police officers in on it for it to work. What do you think?

What’s that you say? It’s been tried?

Well I’ve got this other idea where I stand by the Washington Monument in Mt. Vernon and charge tourists $100 apiece to look at a photograph of the statue so they can see what it actually looks like. It requires less start-up capital anyway.