How snobby is Maryland? Snobbier than you’d think.

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A crab cake and wine pairing from Wilhelm Family Vineyards.

On the snobbiness scale, is seems Maryland is much closer to Hello, dahling” than it is to Hey, hon.”

That’s according to a new survey that ranks Maryland as the 13th snobbiest state in the nation.

But there’s a way to crack the Top 10: Drink more wine.

The job and company research website Zippia has compiled a ranking of states based on snobbiness. To derive a score, the website tracked:

  • Percentage of the population with bachelor’s degrees;
  • Percentage of those degrees in arts and humanities (the most effete majors);
  • Number of Ivy League schools located in the state (only seven states can claim such a distinction, and Maryland isn’t one);
  • Bottles of wine consumed yearly per person.

By those ludicrously unscientific measures, the snobbiest state is Massachusetts — home to Harvard. Five New England states are in the top six. (Maine is in a class all its own.)

Maryland is sandwiched respectably between New Jersey and Illinois. West Virginia is the least pretentious.

Still, 39 percent of Marylanders hold bachelor’s degrees, higher than any state above it, save for Massachusetts at 43 percent.

Where Maryland really falls short, however, is in wine consumption. Marylanders down an average of 12 bottles of wine annually. By comparison, New Hampshire residents consume 28 bottles yearly on average, and Vermonters drink 26.

Seems we may be more of a beer kind of town.

Even Zippia poked fun at its findings.

“How do you tell someone went to Harvard? You don’t, but trust me, they’ll tell you,” the company wrote in its description about its winner. “In addition to being home to a prestigiously smug university, Massachusetts is ridiculously more educated than the rest of the country and has a strong appreciation for wine. Sounds like a perfect breeding ground for snobbiness and artisanal cheese stands.”

Maryland has the royals. And the crab cakes

Cathleen Hanson, director of the International School of Protocol in Towson, knows her stuff when it comes to culture and the finer things in life (after all, she trains executives and culture-seekers on proper etiquette and protocols in social and business settings).

Hanson said she found humor in the study but couldn’t take it seriously, noting that if Maryland was judged rightly based on its history and culture, there’s no way it would not have been Number 1.

“Maryland should be up in the ranks from the state being named after Queen Henrietta Maria of England,” Hanson said, adding the state is also home to Prince George’s and Queen Anne’s counties. “Our state sport is jousting! This is the sport of knights and the oldest equestrian sport. What can be more literary artsy than having a football team named after The Raven by Baltimorean Edgar Allan Poe?”

Gov. Larry Hogan said he takes issue with ranking Marylanders way above the median in snobbiness. “While I would dispute the description of our kind and generous citizens, there is absolutely nothing wrong with liking the finer things in life, like crab cakes!”

No Ivy League schools. But an extra “s”

Maryland can’t claim and Ivy League schools, but it ranked 10 spots higher than Pennsylvania, home to the University of Pennsylvania.

Still, many of Maryland’s colleges and universities have national standing with notable graduates. Maryland is also home to four Historically Black Colleges and Universities.

Jill Rosen, a Johns Hopkins University spokeswoman, said she will gladly put her school against any Ivy – in reputation and in name.

“With a school as bold as to spell John with an ‘s,’ seems Maryland might have placed higher,” Rosen said. “We love being a part of city as cool and as authentic as Baltimore, and we’ll just keep on sipping our Bohs, pinkie fingers down.”

A complete list of snobby state rankings may be found here.

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