Other Fall Flavors

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Photo via Wikimedia Commons

When is Pumpkin Spice going to jump the shark already?

I long for the day when we speak of pumpkin spice with rueful laughter, as we do of the crotch-snap bodysuit, the foundational garment of Donna Karan’s 1985 Seven Easy Pieces collection.  I imagine the following conversion:

 1: Remember when we worshipped The Squash?  
2: Ha! I know! I almost had a tattoo of a pumpkin as my tramp stamp! 
1: In the middle of The Great Pumpkin Shortage of 2015?
 2: Yeah I know! Crazy, huh? It was a squash. A squash. But it was more than that, it was an obsession with the fantasy flavor of a homey, bygone, Americana of the family farm with hayrides and cornucopias, that is, if I’m honest about it. Pumpkin as a flavor — is kinda  — you know —  meh.
[BTW ‘Skank flank’ is the new tramp stamp.  And another way to disapprove of women’s bodies.]
photo courtesy of www.Candlefind.com
photo courtesy of www.Candlefind.com
It’s hard to market-forecast for “it” new flavors.  Did you see kale coming? Or hummus? I was like hummus? What? I only really understood it when I lived in Israel.
Or bagels becoming available in the freezer section of grocery stores rather than having to walk to Bageland, in Squirrel Hill, Pittsburgh, in Western Pennsylvania where I am from?
Imagine the zeitgeist that lead to Cool Ranch Doritos? Or the brain power behind all the lovely, fantastical Willy Wonka wonderful flavors (banana, cantaloupe, red bean and more!) available in overseas Kit Kat bars?
Let’s get on this, America. Enough with the pumpkin spice. The next presidential candidates’ debate should be about A New Fall Flavor.  I would tune in for that. And I’m Generation X. I don’t give a $%$! about anything.
I have a lot riding on the ascendance of chestnut as the new LBD/PSL of the flavor world because I have a tree full of them in my backyard and would like to enjoy early retirement by means of a cash crop, but I’m open to suggestions. What flavor do you nominate?
Please don’t say butternut squash. Or Hubbard. Read my lips, America, No more squashes. 
Hubbard Squash courtesy amyglaze.com
Hubbard squash. Image via amyglaze.com.


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