The Internet just told me when I will die, and there’s some good news and bad news. The good news is I’ve only lived 39.51 percent of my life so far. The bad news is I’m going to miss my 50th wedding anniversary by a day. One day! Also. I’m going to die on a Saturday. I’d really love to have that last weekend to just relax. I’d much rather die on a Monday.

Of course, the really bad news is that I will die at all. Which is the big takeaway from Philip Bump’s death clock website. The site requires very little information to predict a lifespan: just your birthdate, country, and gender. I’m not actually taking its assertion that I will die on a Saturday very seriously. But the fact that I will die on any given day gives me the creeps!

And the fact that the projection is based on legitimate actuarial tables, however basic, is enough to fill me with my fair share of mortal dread.

As Robert Ferris pointed out, if you want to feel really awful about human existence, input Mexico for your country.

Happy Tuesday, Everybody!

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