The Year in Baltimore-ness

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Baltimore
Artwork by Jowita Wyszomirska

It’s been a long year, Baltimore. So long, in fact, that I’ve already forgotten many of the exciting/upsetting/utterly inexplicable things that took place in 2012. (The bronies! The ear-clone! John Waters hitchhiking!) And so, to trigger my memory (and yours!), I’ve rounded up some of my favorite stories from 2012:

JANUARY

We wondered if any local students still take the honor code seriously; examined Baltimore’s changing demographics; and visited our favorite local spot for spa-style pampering on a budget.

FEBRUARY

We peeked inside John Waters’s (amazing) Guilford house and cheered on a Goucher senior appearing on College Jeopardy!

MARCH

We took a look at Towson University’s white pride problem; wondered whether Baltimore would survive a nuclear attack on DC; and were happy to see that Johns Hopkins regained its place near the top of the medical school rankings.

APRIL

We admired Baltimore’s newest power couple; figured out what makes David Simon mad; and tried to convince Anne Tyler that she is, in fact, a Baltimorean.

MAY

We took notes during Ira Glass’s commencement speech at Goucher College; followed along as John Waters hitchhiked across the United States; and watched in awe as Johns Hopkins moved an entire hospital’s worth of patients — with absolutely no Grey’s Anatomy-style disasters.

JUNE

Baltimore decided to raise funds by selling ads on fire trucks; Towson was no longer “the worst team in basketball” (phew!); and we cheered on Maryland’s Olympic hopefuls.

JULY

I braved the Baltimore auditions for the Bachelor/Bachelorette (spoiler alert:  they didn’t pick me); tried to understand what the God Particle is; and got incensed that some jerk tried to kidnap Cal Ripken’s mom!

AUGUST

Johns Hopkins bade farewell to the beloved (and feared) Shhh Lady; we traveled down the Maryland ice cream trail; and Baltimore was once again named one of the nation’s smartest cities.

SEPTEMBER

Johns Hopkins doctors grew a new ear on a patient’s arm, and the internet collectively went EWWW!/YAAAAY!; Towson’s homecoming party got way out of hand; and we tried to figure out what to wear for Purple-Orange Friday.

ear_reconstruction

OCTOBER

I declared that no one outside of Baltimore should be allowed to eat Berger Cookies. University of Maryland surgeons gave a man a new face. Oh, and there was a storm that got kind of intense.

NOVEMBER

We prepared for an invasion of Bronies as the streets flooded. And then we all got invited to a big gay public wedding!

DECEMBER

The new zoning code effectively outlaws Formstone, and Baltimore feminists pranked a fashion giant — and even then the world didn’t end!



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