Jaimie Caldwell and her wife Jennifer had both worked with children in previous careers as preschool teachers, nannies, and daycare providers. So when the Baltimore couple set out to each become pregnant at the same time through in vitro fertilization, they hoped for a relatively easy road ahead.
That changed after the two mothers delivered their babies about one month apart.
“We felt adequately prepared to nurture and enrich and love our children,” Jaimie said, “but we didn’t expect how hard it was going to be all the time.”
Jennifer’s delivery of their son in March 2023 was a complicated four-day labor that ended with an emergency cesarean section and their son being whisked away to the neonatal intensive care unit.
By comparison, Jaimie’s delivery of their daughter in May 2023 went more smoothly (“only” 20 hours of labor), though Jaimie suffered birth-related injuries that took months to heal. She also developed pre-eclampsia, high blood pressure brought on by her pregnancy, which left her physically ill and weak for three months after giving birth. During that time, it was difficult for her to even hold their babies.
Both Jaimie and Jennifer are predisposed to generalized anxiety and depression. As postpartum depression took hold for the mothers shortly after their deliveries, questions swirled.
“It was really pretty jarring to feel like you’re questioning everything you do for your new baby and wondering ‘Are they okay? Are they happy? Are they content? Are they feeling safe?’” Jaimie said. “Every cry you wonder ‘Did I do something wrong?’ Within myself, aside from my baby, it was like ‘Am I going to heal from this? Are my birth injuries going to be okay? Am I going to return to the mood that I had before I had a baby?’”
With the approach of winter, Jaimie also contended with a seasonal component of her depression. The darkness, both literally and figuratively, felt endless, she said.
“You have these brand new babies, and the weather is cold and dark, and there’s limited opportunity to be comfortable outside,” Jaimie said. “In Baltimore, at five o’clock in December, it’s dark…. It feels like night all the time.”
Colder temperatures and fewer daylight hours during winter can create the perfect storm for either seasonal depression (also called seasonal affective disorder or SAD) or a seasonal component of general depression. For new parents who are already under increased stress related to pregnancy, birth, and parenthood, winter can worsen their challenges.
Although data does not show SAD causes postpartum depression, any mood disorder can put new parents at a greater risk for developing postpartum depression, experts say.
About 80% of birthing parents experience “baby blues,” a feeling of sadness after pregnancy. Characterized by tearfulness, irritability, mood swings, and difficulty sleeping, baby blues typically subside a week or two after giving birth.
But when symptoms are more intense or linger for longer, they could be signs of postpartum depression.
About one in five birthing parents experience postpartum depression, but many individuals go undiagnosed and untreated, said Dr. Lindsay R. Standeven, clinical and education director of the Johns Hopkins Reproductive Mental Health Center.
Many new parents, their families, and even their medical providers brush off depression symptoms, said Standeven, who is also an assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.
“We used to think of pregnancy as a period where a birthing individual was protected,” she said. “The idea was somehow the hormones made them happy and glowing and they weren’t going to feel anything negative. That’s not true.”
Feeling exhausted, snapping at people, and isolating from loved ones can all be symptoms of postpartum depression, said Karen Kindig, a perinatal mental health therapist and the owner of the Womb Room, a Baltimore wellness center that offers therapy, doulas, lactation consultants, classes, and other services.
“If you are having any thoughts of harming your baby or yourself, that is a major red flag and needs immediate attention,” Kindig said.
Kindig has three boys: the first born in July, the second in February, and the third in October. Of the three, she says the postpartum period after her first son’s birth was the most difficult for her mental health, but the problems didn’t appear until that winter.
“I thought four or five months had gone by and I was in the clear for postpartum depression,” she said. “But for me, it really was the worst around those winter months between six and eight months old.”
The winter holiday season can heighten stress for parents of young children, as they juggle hosting and attending parties, buying gifts, and other responsibilities.
“You’re sleep deprived,” Standeven said. “You’re trying to have people visit and everybody’s got an opinion. There’s a lot of pressure. Everybody wants to hold the baby and there’s increased illnesses going around.”
Once the holidays pass and visiting family members return to their own homes, parents are often left with less support and may feel alone in caring for their newborn, she added.
First-time parents especially can struggle with feeling they are not living up to expectations.
“I think in most situations, they’re scared because they’re not being the parent they wanted to be,” Standeven said.
It’s important not to fixate and compare one’s own experiences to those of other parents, particularly on highly curated social media timelines, Kindig said.
“I just think everyone these days is very caught up in whether or not they’re doing a good enough job,” she said. “There’s so much information out there and there’s so much impact of social media telling you that you should be doing things one way or another. And so people have a lot of anxiety around whether or not they’re doing things the right way.”
Although postpartum depression and/or SAD are common occurrences for many parents, not everyone will experience mental health issues around childbirth the same way – or at all, Kindig said.
“I have also seen the opposite, where someone’s been wanting to be a mom for so long, or maybe they went through fertility struggles, and so when they eventually did have that baby it really turned the winter months around for them,” she said. “They were really able to see life from a different perspective and maybe even able to enjoy some things about winter that they weren’t able to beforehand.”
Baltimore clinical psychologist Megan Norman, who has a toddler and a newborn, said she prefers the postpartum period during the winter instead of spring or summer because she felt like she was missing out during warmer temperatures.
“As we were entering April and it was beautiful out, I struggled to heal and felt sick and anxious,” said Norman, who gave birth to her first daughter in March 2022. “I felt very cooped up inside when I could see other people were starting to get outside and enjoy the warm weather.”
But after Norman delivered her second daughter between the back-to-back snowstorms that hit Baltimore this January – “she’s definitely a little snow baby” – the postpartum period this winter has been easier.
“I actually really like being in postpartum in these colder months because I don’t feel like I’m missing out too much,” she said. “It’s nice to just be cozy at home and know everyone’s at home.”
Anxieties over her child’s comfort, health, and safety were constantly on Norman’s mind with her first daughter.
“‘Is she breathing when she’s sleeping in the bassinet? Is the swaddle too high? Is she not going to be able to breathe?'” Norman would ask herself.
On walks, Norman was overstimulated by the sounds of cars and other noises. Hitting bumps would cause her daughter to spit up in the bassinet, and Norman felt they needed to return home immediately.
Now, with her second daughter, Norman has a healthy level of parental concern while not letting those worries overwhelm her.
“She spits up and I’m like, ‘Oh, that’s just what babies do,'” she said. “I know that this is a part of her figuring it out and a part of how their system is learning to adapt.”
Nine months postpartum, Jaimie said the clouds of depression are starting to lift in the Caldwell household.
“I remember saying in the beginning, ‘I’m so sorry I did this to us. I’m so sorry that I got carried away with the idea that we both had to have a baby at the same time.’ … I’m thankful it doesn’t feel that way anymore.”
For her, the light at the end of the tunnel came when their son was able to sleep more consistently.
The Caldwells are still waiting for their daughter to sleep through the night, but in the meantime they are celebrating both children’s milestones at nine and 10 months old.
“They’re crawling,” Jaimie said. “They’re starting to talk. They’re not crying all the time. They don’t have to be carried everywhere. They’re starting to become like the first glimmers of independence.”
Jaimie said it made her feel less alone to navigate the postpartum period at the same time as her wife. But it also meant neither had a non-birthing parent to take on some of the load.
However, they have received support from family members; a doula; therapists; and Kindig and her family, who are neighbors of the Caldwells.
Kindig recommends that new or expecting parents connect with support groups, either through places like The Womb Room or local hospitals.
Standeven encourages parents to talk with a therapist, obstetrician, or even their child’s pediatrician.
“Pediatricians, they’re taking care of the kids, but a big part of the child’s flourishing is the parents,” she said.
If individuals are experiencing seasonal depression in the wintertime, Standeven suggests taking a walk to soak in the sunlight, or using light therapy inside their home.
“I actually tend to tell patients as soon as we’re on Labor Day, I want them to get out that 10,000-lux light box and start to use it every morning for about 30 minutes to see if it helps improve and maintain the effect of the light influence on melatonin and serotonin as we head into a period where there’s less light exposure,” Standeven said.
Loved ones can volunteer their help, whether by cooking meals themselves or setting up meal trains, cleaning and doing laundry, or watching the kids so the parent can get some much-needed sleep.
For any parent struggling with their mental health, Standeven said it is important to talk about their experiences.
“I think the more that we talk about it, [the better],” she said, “Share the good and the bad and the ugly, all of the above, and know that all of them can be true at the same time…. Somebody can be having really scary, really sad thoughts and experiences but that doesn’t make them a bad person; it just means they need help.”
Jaimie echoed that sentiment, urging parents not to be afraid to ask for or accept help.
“Now’s not the time for humility,” she said. “Now’s the time to be rescued.”
She cautions pregnant parents not to worry as much about their baby registry or nursery; instead, she says to focus on lining up a support system so they don’t have to establish those connections in the thick of postpartum. Though even if parents find themselves without support after giving birth, there are resources to help them as well.
Lastly, Jaimie said, remember: everything passes.
“It’s probably going to be harder than you anticipate, but it is going to pass,” she said. “None of the feelings that we have stay forever, good or bad. And so when you’re in the throes of new parenthood, just remember: it’s not always going to feel this way. You might feel overwhelmed. You might be enthusiastic. You might be thinking we are pressed to our breaking point. But it’s not always going to feel that way. So get your support in place, keep an open mind about how you’re going to feel, and know that it will pass.”
If you or a loved one are seeking mental health assistance related to pregnancy or birth, you can call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (1-833-943-5746 or 1-833-852-6262) or the Postpartum Support International HelpLine (1-800-944-4773).
