By replicating a weathered scroll as a JPEG on the internet, the Waterfront Partnership today announced that the Order of the Wheel will be taking on new pledges for the first time in a thousand years.
As legend has it, Order of the Wheel member Nostragarbage predicted in the 16th century that a machine would “help free the world from rubbish and save the oceans.”
Now that the Earth’s great circular savior has arrived in the form of Mr. Trash Wheel and Professor Trash Wheel, the anthropomorphic mascots that slurp up all manner of nasty things trying to enter the Inner Habor waters, the Order of the Wheel has emerged from seclusion to enlist more pledges.
Those pledges must complete five tasks to become full-fledged members, but what those are is a deeply kept secret, only revealed to those who fill out this online application form and complete the tasks by May 5. We’re imagining a blood oath and eternal loyalty to Dear Leader.
The obedient few who “demonstrate their commitment to a clean, trash free environment” will be initiated in the Order of the Wheel in a secret ceremony and receive a code name and pin, learn the secret handshake, meet with other “Great Grand Wheelers” and receive special offers on Trash Wheel merch.
And, perhaps, access to the Illuminati.
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