When the Washington Post is snobby about Baltimore, it raises our ire. The Onion? Well, they can get away with a bit more. Still, I can’t help but feel that they could work a little harder for their jokes. “Final Police Report: Only 20,000 Killed During Ravens’ Super Bowl Parade,” the satirical news website wrote earlier this week. Ha! Get it? Baltimore is violent!
The joke goes on from there along the same lines: only [large number of people] died [in this particular violent way]:
According to the report, the corpses littering the area surrounding Commerce Street included less than 5,410 residents killed by gunshot wounds, a mere 9,553 stabbing victims, and, in a particularly welcome surprise, a near-negligible 2,892 casualties who were violently beaten to death.
Plus, I have a hunch that the Onion writer in question was a Steelers fan, as the last line of his piece notes that “At press time, Baltimore had another reason to celebrate as an addendum to the report identified Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco as among the deceased.” Oh, the Onion. Personally, I prefer their Harbaugh-Boys-as-Hardy-Brothers article.