Gov. Martin O’Malley signed a bill Monday banning the sale of grain alcohol of 190 proof (95 percent alcohol by volume) and higher, and boy does it get my goat! I consider myself an alcoholic beverage purist, in that I prefer my drinks to be as close to pure alcohol as possible. Needless to say, this ban puts a major crimp in my whole thing.
“But Bob,” you say, “there’s always rubbing alcohol, isn’t there?”
Let me tell you something about rubbing alcohol. Contrary to the hype, your typical rubbing alcohol is a mere 70 percent ABV. That and the fact that it’s poisonous make it no solution to my grain alcohol woes.
And don’t even get me started on Purell. That stuff is only 63 percent ABV, and its consistency leaves much to be desired.
Nope. When it comes to getting extremely drunk extremely quickly with a reasonable chance of survival, there’s really no substitute for good old 190-proof grain alcohol.
I mean, except maybe for 189-proof grain alcohol. Yeah, that’s it. Let’s get someone to produce some of that.
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