-as adapted by Dustin Fisher
Once upon a long off season, Ravens fans were given reason
To sit in the bleachers freezin, spilling nachos on the floor –
For the Ravens paid Ray Rice, and though the halfback named his price,
They still would not even think twice when Flacco asked the team for more.
But still the city cheered for they would have Lil Ray for five years more.
“Praise the Lord” quoth Baltimore.
Then Suggs made the season real with a pop we all would feel
Though claimed he’d make his Achilles heal and be back out there by Week Four.
But thence came a darker cloud, when Art died and they cried out loud
“Don’t worry Art, we’ll make you proud and show you what you moved here for.”
Ray Ray and the city wanted to show what he moved here for.
“This one’s for you” cried Baltimore.
Now with the season beginning, the Ravens started quickly winning,
All the city twas a-grinning; something special was in store.
But tragedy would strike again and take the leader of these men.
When Ray went down, so did the heart that beats for all of Baltimore.
Lost for the whole season was the beating heart of Baltimore.
Or so we thought, though never sure.
Still, the offense kept on flowing and their lead just kept on growing,
They couldn’t find a weakness showing; Nine and two with five games more.
But then the offense fell apart, and despite that awesome start,
They didn’t seem to have the heart they felt they needed anymore.
Something needed changing , fore it was not flowing anymore.
“We need change!” cried Baltimore.
With the offense all disjointed, Cam, the scapegoat was appointed,
“Lynch him! Lynch him! He’s the one! Thence we shall rise again once more.
And so with a collective sigh, they turned to this Caldwell guy
And gave his play-calling a try to see just what he had in store.
Hoping twas a heavy dose of Ray Rice that he had in store.
“Run the ball!” yelled Baltimore.
But then the birds would start their dive, struggling to just survive
While losing four of their last five and looking much worse than before.
So the regular season ended, but the Ravens’ was extended.
All vacations were suspended, playoffs knocked upon their door.
Notwithstanding recent losses, playoffs knocked upon their door.
“Here we go” quoth Baltimore.
Then came some great news from Ray who said that he could likely play
Without the aid of antler spray, Ray Ray would be back for more.
But at the end, he would retire, and that statement lit a fire.
Filling teammates with desire for the man they all adore.
“Let’s get one more Superbowl for the leader we adore.”
Quoth the Ravens “Get one more”
The Colts returned to their first city, but their play was not so pretty.
They were sent back home to Indy; not a touchdown would they score.
So the Ravens spoke their credos: “Who out there thinks they can beat us?”
“Who among you will defeat us? This, of you, we do implore?”
“Is there any better football team among us? We implore!”
Quoth the Ravens “Nevermore.”
And so they went to Mile High and watched old Manning’s canons fly
And then a rainbow from the sky provided a much needed score.
So onto Brady they would go for the second year in a row.
His slide kick could not even slow the Ravens’ destiny anymore.
No quarterback could stop the Ravens from their purpose anymore.
Quoth the Ravens “Nevermore.”
So they made it to the dance, though no reporter gave them chance,
Strangely though, this circumstance seems to have been played out before.
But the Ravens made a science out of hands-down odds defiance,
Which is summed up nicely in the story told of Michael Oher.
The Blind Side won an Oscar for the true story of Michael Oher.
Quoth the Ravens “This is war!”
The Ravens started very strong while San Fran seemed to not belong
Everything they did was wrong; it looked a blowout was in store.
Though San Fran had put on a clinic with their little pistol gimmick,
Now there was many a cynic of that play which worked no more.
Suddenly, their bread and butter wasn’t working any more.
Quoth the Ravens “Never score.”
But the building lost its power for more than a half an hour
Now even the great Bill Cowher felt the tide shifting ashore.
Then the Niners came out swinging, Kaepernick had started slinging
The running game had starting springing holes wide open for Frank Gore.
Suddenly the holes were getting wide and long for good old Gore.
“Uh-oh” whispered Baltimore.
Though the birds began to stumble, still that defense wouldn’t crumble
And the Niners’ team was humbled, though scared the Ravens to their core.
Joe would get his MVP and got to curse on live TV,
While Ray Ray set sail out to sea forever loved in Raven lore.
John would win the Bro Bowl and cement his name in Raven lore.
Cheered the Ravens “Nevermore.”
And so Ray hung up his cleats while Joe proved he’s of the elites
And all the fans would storm the streets from Fells Point to the Harbor Shore.
The blackout thoughts already faded, Ravens fans were too elated
And from beyond, Art celebrated “Finally, we won the war!”
Finally the nation realized what these ominous birds of war
Meant in croaking ‘Nevermore.”
Ravens Nation!!! What a season 🙂
Twas a great season indeed.
Dustin Fisher is terrific! How clever and well done. Keep him writing for you!
Thanks a ton. Unfortunately, poem parodies about the NFL is a really tough niche to keep writing about. 🙂
Nice! Love it.
Thank you, TL.
Love this! Great job, Dustin!
Thanks for reading, Meghan! 🙂
Thanks, man. It needed to be written.
This was awesome! Would love to see a weekly sports humor column on this website.
Unfortunately, my specialty is crossing over literature with football. Maybe if the Redskins win next year, I’ll get to parody “The Road Not Taken.”
Ahh….just perfect. Thank you. I still can’t believe we won the Super Bowl! What a week.
You’re welcome and thank you too. And this was a fitting book end to Ray’s career.
Why yes, I was.
Nice Dustin, great job!
Thanks, S! 🙂
Very creative, D! Loved it!
Awesome, D! Very creative. Loved it!
Thanks, Kel! 🙂
Wow! What a great job by Dustin Fisher!
Thanks, Gail! And thanks for finding it so long after publication. It was a nice surprise.
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