By Helene Cooper, LCSW-C
Therapist with Jewish Community Services, an agency of The Associated
Falling in love is easy, and certainly one of the most beautiful and exciting experiences of our lives. We’ve seen the Disney movies, read the fairytales, and pretty much absorbed the cultural construct of some version of meeting our “soulmate,” falling in love, getting married, with the expectation that they will live “happily ever after.”
So, how do we cope when our relationship reality doesn’t match what we’ve been taught to expect? Or, suddenly includes stressors we never anticipated like a pandemic?
Expectations can be the undoing of even the best love matches, the ones where everything is “in sync” – attraction, mutual respect, shared values, supportive families, compatibility and the wonderful spark of “chemistry.” The falling in love part of a loving relationship is only the beginning.
Keeping love alive requires the intention to hold on to what we’ve found, with some degree of vigilance, including self-awareness, compassion and tolerance for the person we love, and honest communication of our own vulnerabilities and needs. No matter how long you have been with the person you love or how much that person loves you, love does not give your partner the ability to read your mind.
If you do not hold up your end of the relationship by expressing how you feel and what you need, you can be fairly sure that your needs will not be met. My colleague at JCS, Jacki Ashkin, LCSW-C, recently shared some additional relationship tips for successfully navigating through the COVID-19 pandemic. Though in truth, the advice stands the test of time and will remain relevant long after the coronavirus loosens its grip on our day-to-day lives.
