Tag: dating

Dating Again – Embracing a New Social Environment

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Many people say that it’s a couple’s world and indeed, it may seem that way when you have been widowed or divorced. For those who are newly single the perception of a “couple’s world” is especially daunting. Baby boomers who are choosing to date have to learn to embrace a new identity and navigate a new social environment.

After spending decades as a couple, many people face overwhelming feelings of isolation and loneliness when they find themselves suddenly single. People who are now 50 and older most likely met their spouses organically, at work, school, or a social event. When boomers were in college, computers took up entire rooms w and electronic socializing and dating were the stuff of science fiction. Needless to say, dating has changed. Social media and online dating services have made people more accessible to one and other which may be a good thing for people are ready for a new, healthy relationship. But to be ready, it is important to do the work of mourning the loss of your prior relationship and becoming comfortable with yourself and your identity in your “new normal.” Skipping this step and moving too quickly into dating can make you more vulnerable to being exploited or manipulated.

New Dating App Shows What Baltimore Daters Hate the Most

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Bad parking jobs are the second-most hated thing among Baltimore Hater app users. Photo via Wikimedia Commons.

The Hater app defies a common convention of online matchmaking tools by asking not what users like, but rather what they loathe the most. Here in Baltimore, the company finds the most common things users can’t stand are misplaced keys, bad parking jobs and that gut-wrenching “Two Girls, One Cup” video from 10 years ago.

Baltimore Is the Best City for Single Men

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With 125 single women for every 100 single men, Baltimore is the U.S. city where (heterosexual) guys have the best odds, according to NerdWallet.

Baltimore Is Great… For Single Men

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Map via Jonathan Soma
Map via Jonathan Soma

Whenever Baltimore made it onto one of those “best cities for singles” lists, I felt confused. Those rankings did not jibe with my personal experience–but hey, maybe I was just unlucky. But a new Forbes article has cleared up some of my confusion: It turns out that Baltimore is great if you’re single… and a heterosexual man.

Over the Threshold: The Mystery of My Dad’s Missing Love

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image via fitsnews.com
image via fitsnews.com

Baltimore writer Holly Morse-Ellington believes her newly divorced father has a super serious girlfriend–unfortunately, thanks to her dad’s close-lipped nature, her best information source is a tiny barking dog.

My parents’ divorce has been a long road for me. Maybe it’s not my road to travel. But that’s the thing about family. No matter how carsick their problems make you, you’re stuck in the backseat. Hands tugging at the child safety locks activated on the doors. Head hanging out the window and panting, “Are we there yet?”

The Worst Dates Were Probably All My Fault

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image via heydolly.com
image via heydolly.com

Writer/television producer Jeff Dugan’s been on some great dates, but he learned more from the bad ones.

Everyone has few good horror stories of dates that went awry. As I look back on mine, I have to admit the problems seemed to stem from some oafish action or oversight on my part. Here are my top 10 worst dates, in chronological order. Please, learn from them.

Weirded Out: He Objects to Friend Dating Ex

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Hey Whit:

I hope you can help me on this one.  Last week I was hanging out with friends, and I started talking to a girl, Haley, who used to date a friend of mine (he wasn’t there at the time), a good friend named Tyler. Haley is friends with guys who I know and she sometimes socializes with them, so talking to her was pretty normal, at least not unusual.

I didn’t know her very well when she was going out with my friend, but I thought that she was good-looking, and she seemed like a fun girl. Anyway, after talking to her for a little while, I felt that we had sort of a connection, and I wanted to go out with her on a date.

Just to make sure, I talked to my friend who used to date her, and he was pretty weird about it.  I was really kind of shocked that he couldn’t figure out why I would want to date her since she was “somebody who was the ex-girlfriend of a friend of yours—a good friend.” Why would he even care? Am I missing something here?

Missing Something

Dear Missing:

“Why would he even care?” My reaction exactly. So let’s consider what you might be missing here and why he would care.

Maybe Tyler treated her in a way that would embarrass him if you knew about it. Maybe Haley treated him in a way that would embarrass him if you knew about it.  Maybe something happened between them that Tyler doesn’t want you to find out.  You can use your imagination, but let me give it a jump-start.

Depending how long they were together, Tyler could have become bored with her; perhaps he reached the point at which Haley felt under-loved or under-appreciated. If they had dated for a long enough time that he started taking her for granted, Tyler could have become cold and unfeeling and checked out.  If he thinks that such behavior might be unflattering to him, Tyler might not want you to know about it.

Contest Update: Love at the Cat’s Eye Pub

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A Classic Love Story: Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward

Just one more day to submit your love story for the chance to win dinner for two at Pazo and a bottle of Roederer Estate “Special Cuvée” Brut NV from Bin 604 in our “How I Met My Honey” contest! Read the moving story, below, about a courageous cancer survivor finding true love when she least expected it.

Love at the Cat’s Eye Pub

I had a better chance of being struck by lightning or being attacked by terrorists than I did of meeting a guy in 2010. I was a divorced, middle-aged woman who was bald and missing a body part that made my sweaters look decidedly uneven. Thank you, mastectomy and chemo.

I was also puffy. My oncologist even admonished me about the weight gain. But it was a side effect of my job, not the drugs. I have to eat a lot as the food editor for Baltimore magazine.

But, amazingly, I did connect with someone that year in a most unlikely place—a Fells Point dive bar. My friends convinced me that listening to the afternoon blues bands on Saturdays at the Cat’s Eye Pub would lift my spirits. It was worth a try.

It did help distract me until that summer when I went through another surgery for reconstruction. Trust me. We’re not talking body beautiful. We’re talking just feeling whole again.

Soon, I was back at the Cat’s Eye. This time, looking like a deranged poodle as my hair grew out in a weird corkscrew style. People were polite about it. I tried to ignore my new look.

That was when I met the bass player for the band Nothin’ But Trouble. He was from Delaware. I used to live in Delaware.

We soon became Greg from Magnolia and Suzanne, formerly from Old New Castle. It was a greeting we shared with a smile during the band’s once-a-month gigs. But we were ships passing in the night. He had someone in his life. I was still trying to recover.

One evening, much later, fate intervened. We ended up sitting next to each other at the bar before the band played. The reporter in me kicked in: “So what’s your story?” I asked.

And he told me. He wasn’t just a musician. He was a special-ed teacher, a dad, a son, a brother, and a really fascinating guy. And he was unattached.

Baltimore Dating for Dummies

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Now that over fifty percent of U.S. marriages end in divorce, there are more single people in their thirties, forties and fifties than ever before. What does this mean? Where will it lead? Is this a problem to be solved, or a phase in the development of a new social order? I have no answer to these questions but I do know this — there are only two single men in Baltimore and they both have girlfriends.

Let me explain. In 2009, when I arrived in town newly separated, helpful friends pointed out two fellows I’ll call Monty and Elliot. Monty was a dashing silver-haired photographer known for his elegant cocktail parties, Elliot a clever bartender in horn-rimmed glasses who was also a sportswriter. I cast my gaze in both directions but didn’t end up dating either one of them.

Five years went by. Many more marriages ended. Numbered among the most recent crop of emerging singles is my fetching friend Strawberry Shortcake, a wide-eyed Girl Scout type fifteen years younger than I, hence not as scarred by the dissolution and depravity of the 1970s and 80s. This past Saturday I had the honor of taking Strawberry on her first night on the town as a single woman.

I am sad to report that it started with Monty and ended with Elliot and both Strawberry and I were home in bed by 11.

Plans for the evening were conceived when I received an invitation to one of Monty’s famous soirees, an event I assumed would be teeming with romantic possibility. When I asked Strawberry to come along, she readily accepted. In fact, another friend had already suggested she go. Five and half years later, Monty remains one of Baltimore’s leading men-about-town.

I suited myself up in black leather pants and boots; Strawberry appeared in one of her usual Little House on the Prairie ensembles, many of which feature gingham and shawls, yet have a weirdly sexy effect.  The party was congenial enough, but Monty had a girlfriend in the kitchen. There was at least one other eligible man there, though even from a distance he appeared gloomy and tormented; it turned out he was the “Hot Neighbor” of Lauraville whose very recent marital breakup had already gone out over the wires. I realized this early in our conversation and exclaimed, “Oh, I know who you are! You’re the Hot Neighbor!”

He looked confused. When I explained, he brightened for a moment before sinking back into his bitter malaise. “Well, maybe I will be soon,” he said.

With the possibilities chez Monty so quickly disposed of, I suggested to Strawberry that we hit the bars and see what might be available. Having recently attempted a similar reconnaissance mission with another cute young divorcee, Rainbow Bright, I decided to skip Hampden and Station North.

Just a few weeks prior, Rainbow Bright and I had hoofed it through 13.5 Wine Bar, the Hon, Fraser’s, Holy Frijoles, Joe Squared, Metro Gallery, The Depot, Club Charles, and several no-name spots on Howard Street. We turned up dozens of hipsters barely over their acne, two drag queens named Ellen Degenerate and Miss Construed, a bunch of my students from the University of Baltimore, and, briefly, John Waters, but even the open-minded and dauntless Rainbow Bright could find nothing of concupiscent consequence. At 1:20 a.m. we finished the last of our vodka-sodas and called it a night.

Baltimore is Either Great or Terrible for Single Women

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woman with ok finger

Readers, I’m confused. Last year, Kiplinger’s rated Baltimore one of the best cities in the nation for singles. Hooray! And then today we learned that Cosmo has deemed Baltimore the nation’s fourth-worst city for single women.  Boooo. So what gives?

I have a couple of theories to explain the disparity:

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